When NO has meaning

You should not introduce the word "NO" to your infant very early . I mean when they just start moving around and  exploring  . You should create a safe space that will allow your infant to explore freely. No should not be your child's first word as she does not understand what it means. I feel that "No" should be introduced at 14 months . Your baby has had a lot of time to freely explore without fear,she has been allowed to take risk. At 14 months you can now begin to set limits . When you "NO" it will have significance . You should also explain to your  baby why it is not safe for her to  undertake that action.
Here you are laying the roots for cooperation. Your baby will begin learning what is right from wrong,she is learning how to follow rules. When you say  "No" you should not scream it  as that will cause your baby to become anxious.You should use a low tone.Remember that young children learn from consistency and repetition. You must have patience as  these are all new skills that your baby is learning.
These skill are needed for school and should be taught during the infant/toddler years 0-3yrs old.
My grand son is now 14mos and now when you say to him"no" you cannot go up there and we remove him from the  space the next time the he gets close to the space he  stops ,looks at us  and we will say no that is dangerous. He walks away from the space.

Dad's this info is for you too

I  hope you are having a wonderful day.

Many times when I approach a dad with the flier and tell them about the class they say, "I'll give it to my wife". As a clear my throat, I respond, "Dad you need to know this information also. If you are spending the day with your baby you should also know some age appropriate activities to do. Or if mom forgets something you can say..."

On Friday, June 14 we had an event geared toward the fathers and relationships with their babies which includes building the relationship for learning. After all you are their first teacher.

So dad, the next time you want to say, "I'll give it to my wife" think about it and remember you too are the mirror to your babies world.

Be well

Daily living skills

Domain -1

birth-18mos

Your baby should be able to learn how to self sooth himself. This is the root of self regulation.

 You can teach your baby this skill by  making sure that her needs are met in a timely matter. Example- If your baby needs a diaper change  or food you should not have your baby  crying for long. You should be able to read your babies cues and will respond accordingly,this is called "the dance". You can also help this process by explaining to your baby that you are making a bottle and let her watch as you do it.Your baby is also  begins to develop trust in you.

 

Fine motor skills

Domain -1

0-18mos

Your baby should be able to  pick up objects with her thumb and pointer. You can begin at five months by giving your baby snacks that she can feed her self with. (dry cereal, cooked vegetables etc). You should also provide a variety of items that your baby can hold -for example a small ball. Remember that you are helping your baby's brain with development. Your baby is always, however guiding her learning is your responsibility.

 

First 2000 days--Emotional skills needed for school

By the age of three your baby should  have the following  skills

Confidence : Your three year old should  be patty trained,should be able to control her behavior,should feel that he will be successful at activities.

Curiosity: your child should  feel that finding out about things  are fun and leads to pleasure

 Intentionality : Your child should be persistence. Your child should  feel competent and feel like he will have an impact on the world.

Self control: Your child  should be able to control his actions, follow simple rules that are age appropriate.

Relatedness: Your child should be able to relate to her peers, play in a group and  begin to understand  herself and others.

Capacity to communicate: Your child should be able to exchange ideas, concepts of others, express her needs and make choices .

Cooperativeness--Your child should be able to balance  his her needs with those in a group activity. Your child should be to share with her peers and begin to follow class routines and not throw a tantrum when it is transition.

 

 

Environment: They sense everything from day 1

Many people think that infants/toddlers do not understand what is going on around them.  As young as they are they pick up on the energy around them. Remember you are their first teacher.

Infants/toddlers who experience domestic violence frequently the infants/toddlers' brain tends to create a fear factor.  If your infants/toddlers are constantly  hearing you and the father cussing the child will become fearful as the environment is chaotic. A lot of times I am walking I hear mothers on the phone cussing like a drunken sailor and their infant is in the stroller. What do you think you are teaching your infant? Children need caregivers who are positive role models and will help them through the development stages in an emotionally healthy way.

So the next time you want to cuss on the phone, remember your little one and consider changing your language or wait until they are out of earshot.

The Common Core

Will your baby be Ready for the Common Core  that will be implemented in New York City  and many other states? This will be in effect in September?

Quality Care--What to look for in a care giver

As a new parent you have many things to figure out the last thing you should worry about is the caregiver.
Here are some things to keep in mind when looking for a care giver (family day care, babysitter, daycare or nanny).

Does the person have experience working with young childern?
Do they have a general knowledge of child development?
Do they hold a child abuse certificate?
Do they hold a certificate in CPR or BCLS (Basic Cardiac Life Support)?
Are they culturally sensitive? (another blog entry)
Do they have a current medical?
Is their space/environment infant/toddler friendly (not crowded with objects that are harmful to the child)?
Do they have age appropriate toys?
How many teachers are in the classroom (family day care or day care)?


I love babycenter.com. I was on a parent list serve and the parent needed to hire a nanny. She only came up with 2 questions. I immediately went to babycenter.com and pulled up a nanny interview sheet/guide for her. Feel free to use it if you need to here is the link http://www.babycenter.com/0_nanny-interview-sheet_1450905.bc

These are just some things to keep in mind. I hope this will help you.

Roots of Socialization

Socialization is the gradual ways that all living beings learn the rules of their society. This process is also described as guidance and discipline. This process starts at an early age. Children depend on the adults that care for them to guide and discipline them in order   for them to become socialized to their societal norms and in doing so will become positive   contributors to their society.  When children are taught guidance and discipline they will learn how to self-regulate; which is the ability to control their bodily functions, manage powerful emotions, and maintain focus and attention.

  

Caregivers must be in tune with the children in order to guide and discipline them because each child is different and must be treated based on their need and stage of development. You should remember that every interaction with a child is an opportunity to guide the child. When you guide children you are helping them to learn about themselves, you are teaching them how to negotiate their social environment. You must be a good observer. When guiding children you must: give them limits based on their age, create a safe environment, develop trust and avoid punishment, shame fear or belittling.

We need to ask ourselves how we help young children to learn acceptable behavior through discipline and guidance.    How do we determine the best method that is goodness of fit for each child?

Discipline is a positive constructive way of teaching. True discipline is not punishment. These two are often confused by being defined as the same they are both different in approach and results. Punishment usually gives bad feelings, has a negative effect. Spanking shaming, yelling, criticizing or locking the  child in a room. Punishment may lead to defiance, lying, or sneaking behaviors. You may  express   your anger with the child but this behavior does not teach the child the social lesson that you intended. For example when you slap a child on the hand as she reaches for the hot stove, the child focus on the pain the limit that you are trying to set is lost. Research shows that toddlers who are slapped do not remember why they were slapped.

Discipline teaches compliance by affirming the child’s dignity. Discipline focuses on the rule that you need the child to learn and the good reasons for the rule not on the child’s “wrong doing”. This does not raise feelings of anxiety in the child and rejection. Positive discipline the child’s growing confidence in the world around her. The objective of discipline is to have the child obey rules when you are not around to enforce them. The aim is to build the child’s inner controls, to develop in the child a long habit of governing his or her behavior. This is also referred to as self regulation.

I have observed   these skills develop in my own children. However, the root   of socialization begins in infancy. Babies need time to learn new skills. Learning socially accepted behavior and norms is a long process. Children will learn to cooperate when you provide consistent, loving care and guidance and discipline  allows enough time for children to learn social skills. Young infants flourish in a loving, warm environment where her needs are met. When you responds to your baby’s needs you are not spoiling her you are teaching her that the world is a good place and the caregivers can be trusted. Researchers found that infants whose basic needs for love and care are constantly met are more compliant and cooperative as they grow older than those babies whose needs were not met.

You need to instill confidence through affectionate and trusting relationships in infants and toddlers this is crucial as the child gets older. When toddlers see that you have a concern for their well being they will be more willing to adhere to your social rules, and will behave as you expect them to.

As a caregiver you are responsible for socializing your infants/toddlers .You are the role model and should be careful  with you actions.  A good example is:  yesterday I was walking on 119 and Fredrick Douglas Boulevard and observed a parent with a two young children just walked into the traffic instead of waiting at the corner for the walk sign. Many parents do not socialize their children to adhere to socially acceptable behaviors when they are young. These same children will grow up to become problems later one. Researchers have found that many deviant teens were  not  taught  self discipline,  they were not socialized  and guided during their infant and toddler years.

   

What is self regulation and why it is important? Is defined as a child’s ability to gain control of bodily functions, manage powerful emotions, and maintain focus and attention. The growth of self regulation is the corner stone of early childhood development (Shonkoff &Phillips 2000).Parents and care givers are responsible for guiding the infant and toddler. When you give a toddler a favorite toy to cuddle for naptime or a soft book to hold and is consistent with that routine the infant /toddler learns what to expect and is also learning how to self-regulate. My  seven month old grandson has learned that when you stand beside the stereo there is a possibility the music will come on, every time that his mom  stands beside the stereo he begins looking  up at the stereo and begins to dance. She usually put on the music .  Now he expects the music to come on and he has learned that routine. He has learned that his musical needs will be met when his mom goes to the stereo.

 You should also allow your toddler to develop self-confidence. One   of the   ways   you do this is by not doing everything for your infant once she begins moving around. You should do a lot of observation. Allow your infant to practice her problem solving skills. For example   if  your infant is just learning how to let go and balance, when she falls don’t   create a big deal praise her and say you did a good job. When the child falls and you create a big deal if the child is crying you may discourage to keep trying. You do not want to have the infant to become fearful of trying new things. You should make the space safe so when the child falls she will not get hurt .You should encourage your infant to take risk  .

 Self control and Brain development   goes hand in hand. The experiences   that you give to your   infants and toddlers have an effect on how their brain develops and builds connections between the different parts of the brain. The prefrontal cortex of the brain that is located behind the forehead is responsible for self control. It involves skills like following rules, reasoning, suppressing impulses, and making decisions (Casey et al., 1997).  Nuero-imaging shows that the prefrontal cortex develops from infancy through adolescence.  These   areas of the brains will not be developed if the child does not get the guidance from their care givers.  Have you ever wondered why children of the same age have better self control than others  . These differences is a result of the environment that the child is in, the parenting  style that is used, the child’s temperament, and their genes all contributes to  individual differences in self-control.

Many parents teach their three year olds “ if a child hit, you  should hit them back”. This becomes a problem both for the parent and the child as the child develops. Many of these children grow up and become maladjusted to societal rules.  You cannot bend a tree when it is grown you need to begin when it is a twig. Babies are born with a clean slate and will learn what you write on that slate. Children that  are  not taught  social skills during their infant/toddler years  usually have problems as they develop.

 When you have a baby you must prepare the baby to live in the world therefore you have a responsibility to give her life skills.

 Researchers have found that children can be at risk for self-control problems before they are born.

Babies who are exposed to alcohol before they were born are at risk for self-control problems. Heavy exposure to alto/drugs can lead to structural abnormalities   in the orbitofrontal cortex and other brain regions   involve in self control. Pre-natal exposure to alcohol has been linked to self-control deficits, and increased impulsivity and increased rare of ADHD diagnosis (Mattson, Fryer, McGee &Riley, 2008).

Children who are chaotic environments   also lack the ability to express self control. You should create a calm soothing environment for your infants (toddlers). If a child lives in an environment where she is being yelled at most of the time, this child will not learn self control. The adults   in the child’s environment   are the role model and is responsible for socializing the infant/toddler.

Guidance and caring goes hand in hand. Cooperation and compliance is the root of socialization this begins in infancy. Babies strive in a warm caring, attentive environment. I know that people will say you are spoiling your baby when you respond to your baby’s signal for food, attention, or sleep. You are not spoiling your baby.

 You can teach babies to cooperate in a number of ways   such as not screaming for a bottle. The infant will not fuss only if she has learned that you will bring a bottle when she needs one. One way is by saying   to the infant I know that you want a bottle and I am going to make you one. Let the infant observe you making it. Once you both go through this routine a few times the infant will learn to trust you. I know you are saying   how can the baby understand. Your baby’s brain has been working before they were born. They do understand.

During the infant/ toddler years guidance takes time and requires patience yelling at the child will not help. They need you to restate simple rules, clearly and in a calm voice.

Refrences:

Self Control and the Developing Brain : Zero to three 2009

A Guide to Social Emotional Growth : By West End Sacramento,1090

Setting limits: Prepared   by Rajeswari Natrajan

Socialization and Guidance with infants/Toddlers by Janis Keyser,M.A

American Educator Vol.35.No.1 Spring 2011.pg 33

 -Daseta Gray

Baby & Wee class 6/22/13 10am - 11am

Please share with other parents

Saturday, June 22, 2013
Beulah Wesleyan Methodist Church

219 West 136 St (btwn Adam Clayton Powell Jr Blvd & Frederick Douglass Blvd)

$25 per family

10:00 am - 11:00 am

 

This class will teach parents how to work with their infants and toddlers to develop the cognitive, social and emotional skills before they start school.  We will also give them tips on activities they can do at home with their baby.  This will not be your ordinary parenting class. We answer the "why" these activities are being done, which component also known as domain of the brain is being developed.

 

Do you wonder why some children require occupational or speech therapy when they arrive at school? It is because their fine motor and speech were not developed prior to starting school.

 

The Obstetrician helps you know what to do when your baby is in the womb developing.

The Pediatrician helps you with the biological functions of your infant/toddler

Who helps you know some things to teach the baby to prepare them for school. There are several things your little one will be tested on when the go to school.

 

Our class helps you know what to do in developing the social, cognitive and emotional skills your baby will need for life.

A few blog posts

First of all I want to say thank you, for subscribing to the blog and for accepting the request to be added to receive daily updates.

My mother and I meet parents on a daily basis and share with them what we do... The First 2000 Days Harlem Campaign and the Baby and Wee classes.

Since we have new readers we thought it was important to pull out some old posts and repost them; it also serves as a refresher for you because I'm sure many of your have a great deal on your plate and rather than saying hmmm which month can I find the tips on looking for quality child care center we reposted that among others.

Enjoy

Be well

Sensory activity

When you are giving your baby a bath you should add a few cups to the tub. Babies love to pour ingredients from one container to the next. They are using all their senses. They are also discovering that some items will  float while others will sink. You may say that the baby is not talking so how she will figure it out. Learning talks place through experiences. There is a saying "experience is the best teacher" Young children learns best by experiencing learning with age appropriate activities. Developmental toys  etc.

Feeding self

Ajani is now learning to feed himself using a fork. When he gets his dinner of any thing to eat he sits in his chair on the floor and he takes his time and eat. some times he does not use his for because he does not understand that he needs to stick the fork into the food in order to pick it up. He puts down the fork and uses his hand. one day I put the fork in his hand  then I held his hand and we both stick the fork into the food and pick it up. He had a big smile on his face. I helped him to put the food into his mouth.
 The brain is a powerful organ it only needs to be exposed to an experience once . You will observe your baby practicing on her own. Again your baby  must have enough time to practice her new skills as you help her move through the different developmental stages. Babies are born wired to learn but must be given the opportunity to experience learning that is the first step in developing a relationship with the concept of learning.

Potty training - revisited

Do you remember that way back in February we introduced the potty to Ajani. He was fourteen months at the time. He has been using it on and off we would put him on it each day when he wakes up some times he peed and other times he did not. However, we would still put him on the potty every morning when he wakes up some times he sits on it for two minutes other time he does not want to sit . Whenever he peed in the potty we do a big celebration yeaa you did it and we clap. You must keep in mind that his brain is being developed and all the connections have to be made in his brains before the physical action can be successful, you need to be patience, persistence and repetition .He  has been sleeping all night without wetting himself.
For the past three weeks he has been peeing in the potting each morning . Do you see how long it takes his brains to connect all  areas that is necessary to created the action. That is why you need to introduce infants/toddlers to developmental stages  early this way they will have enough time to  master the skill that you want them to without pressure and frustration.
Every morning when he wakes up his mom says good morning Ajani, lets go potty. He walks towards the bathroom and sits on his potty. When he pees he yells yeaaa and claps  then he brushes his teeth . This is called a routine , when you do the same thing  everyday at the same time.
learning to control your body function is a part of a child's social emotional development.

Language development

You will now notice that your baby will be making sounds . Pointing to things and making sounds. This is language development. You will need to extended  your baby's vocabulary. When your baby points and babbles say the word ; yes that is your cup, or do you want some  water in your cup? Your bay will begin saying words . When you are outside you will notice that your baby will be pointing to  different things and talking in her own language you  should respond . You should never laugh at your toddler.

 Having a pacifier in your baby's mouth will not allow her to make the sounds that is needed before she is able to  speak. This will cause your baby's speech to be delayed and then she will be signed up for speech therapy. It is best to start out right because it is too difficult to catch when your baby misses a  stage of  development.

Seperation

 Weaning your baby from her pacifier can be a challenge . You will need to begin this process once your baby gets to be fourteen months old. You should begin gradual  first only give it to her if she is crying and needs it to sooth her self during the day. She  will also need it when she goes to sleep. Once she  wakes up and you feed her you should put the pacifier away. Out of sight our of mind .After a week of once she falls a sleep remove the pacifier from her mouth. Keep it near by because she may wake up in the night looking for it. This may go on for three weeks. The four week  when she is awake you feed her put the pacifier away and do not give her during the day. For bed time after you feed her dinner or a cup of milk   read her a story, then put on her bed time music and try rocking her to bed without the pacifier. She may be a little restless wanting her pacifier. Just ignore her gestures and continue rocking her. If it gets really bad give her the pacifier and one she falls asleep remove it. When she gets up in the night looking for it do not give it to her. Now it is five weeks and you  will need to sever the relationship with your baby and her pacifier.
You want to have a conversation with her. It many go like this: Cherry you are a big girl now and you do not need the pacifier any more . You will be getting ready  for talking and we do not need a pacifier anymore. Let us say good by to the pacifier and both of you should close the relationship together. This will be a new stage of development for your baby. This will take a few weeks for you baby to adjust but it will be best for her.

Taking Risk

You must allow your baby to take risk. Just make the space safe and be close by if the baby needs help. Usually the baby will indicate to you when she needs help. Babies must be given a chance to  use their problem solving skills and as they develop so will their ability to solve problems from simple to complex.Do not stutter your baby by doing all the thinking for him.

Transitions

Transitions are very important for infants/toddlers and their parents. It is very important that before you  leave your infant/toddler with a  caregiver you should have an adjustment period. If it is a babysitter  have the person visit your baby a few times ,if it is a center or provider home  take the baby to visit a few times before you leave the child there. Research shows that it takes children about 8-12 weeks before their transitions  feels complete, new relationships are established and most seam adjusted. However, you can help  children transition by starting this process at home.

Relationship with concepts

We usually discuss relationships with people very seldom relationships with concepts are discussed.
Lets start that discussion. So learning is a concept -noun to learn. How do you  help your baby to develop a relationship with learning?  Relationships is developing  an attachment with ...
Learning comes through experiences  . If you would like your baby to get to kindergarten and have a relationship with reading you will need to let the baby experience books. This means that you must be reading to the baby once you bring the baby home  and books must be available to the baby at all times. You must have  a bin of books on the floor for the baby.

Quality care

In order for your child to get quality care it is very important for the adults to share information  about themselves and the infants and toddlers that they are caring for. You child care program/care giver should give you a daily sheet for your child every day, this will give you a picture of the infant/toddler day. Your caregiver should also give  have a conference every three months with you here you can sit and discuss  your infant/toddler progress. The questions that you may not have time to ask during drop off and pick up time. At the conference you get a chance to discuss progress and next steps.

Relationships

It is very important that at home your baby sees positive relationships between the adults and children. How you relate to each other will influence how your baby relate to  children and adults out side the home. Be patient with your baby, be persistent with your baby. Remember that your baby is learning all new skills, yes the is developing relationships with people, concepts and things. It is good to use a calm voice with your baby. You are the mirror to the word.

Is Your baby too young?

Today I was speaking with a mom and I told her that we have a site that  gives advice on how to get your infant/toddler the social, emotional and cognitive skills they need prior to entering school. The mom responded, "my baby is almost 1.5 and is too young." It's because or responses like this why I created the blog.

I want to help parents and caregivers understand it isn't too early to begin working with your infant/toddler to develop the cognitive, social and emotional skills that are critical to learning especially when they arrive at school.  In the long run you will be doing your baby a great service by getting them ready to learn. Remember you are your child's mirror to the world and first teacher.

Do not wait until your baby begins school for the teaching to begin.

Parents and baby are relaxed

When relationships between families and caregivers are authentic parents feel comfortable more settled and your baby will be relaxed. It is very important that you keep the baby with the same  caregiver for the duration of her infancy. Studies have shown that babies takes a long time to adjust emotionally when change occurs. This action can disrupt her development. You want to try your best and have continuity of care, one care giver for the baby or one daycare center for the baby.

Relationships -

Positive relationship is a win -win situation for everyone . When relationships are positive children receive better care. If your child is in a daycare where the staff  exhibit respectful relationships with each other they will extend it   to their families .When relationships are positive the atmosphere in the center/provider homes will be inviting . Babies thrive when there are positive relationship.

Relationships and brain development

Relationships are very important for infants and toddlers. Relationship help your infant/toddler to develop trust with her caregiver. It is very important for the parent and the person who is caring for your infant/toddler to have a good relationship. You are your baby's mirror to the world it is very important for you to model positive relationships. When you have a positive relationship with the child's care give it will allow communication to flow smoothly. The child benefits.

Self feeding.. encourage it

She takes the spoon from you when you feed her, encourage it it's ok. She gives you cues when she is ready for another stage. Rather than say, no let her hold the baby spoon you may need to guide her hand with picking up the piece of food or guide the spoon into her mouth. She may fight you a little because she is displaying her independence just say to her, "I am helping you".

Be well

Using a cup

She always tries to take the cup from you, it's ok. You can give her a small cup with a little liquid so she can try to hold and drink on her own. She may make a little mess but that's part of the learning process and steps to expressing her self confidence because she knows she can try and you will encourage her.

Be well

Patience with potty time

You may think it's too early to introduce your baby to the potty. It's important to make it part of the routine. When she wakes up you should take her to the potty. Soon you will notice when she wakes up and you say "let's go to the potty" she will walk with you to the bathroom where you have the potty. She may even sit on the potty before you take her pamper or pull up off.

It may take her a few moments before she actually does something in the potty. Speak with her and if she goes celebrate. If she doesn't it's ok she just wasn't ready at that time. Keep it within the early morning routine.

Be well

Daddy's need the information also

Over the past few weeks I've come across several fathers of infants or toddlers. I share with them the blog and what information we share and the Saturday class we do with parents and their babies and the dads usually say, "ok I will share the information with my wife".

I have news for you dad, you should get the information also, keep in mind it's a team effort and if mom isn't around you can still do the activities with your baby because you too understand what milestones she is going through at various stages.

Be well